It's been a while....

....and a tough time it has been. It's been 3 months since I last wrote and nearly 10 months since I lost my beautiful girl Smokey. I'm not going to lie to you, it's been a bloody hard 10 months without her. As you know it took me months to be able to write about what happened as I was so upset. Since then I have got better week by week and just when I think I can talk about her without crying, it hits me again. I have had to odd blubber over the months but for some reason past month has been very hard. I obviously think about her a lot, she was my baby. When the extension to our house was finally finished hubby said, "Smokey would have loved running about in here" as I'm sure you can imagine that broke my heart. She got ill and left for Rainbow Bridge whilst all the building work was going on, and I know she would have loved the new sun room and would have spent many hours lounging on the new sofa in the sun. Then on Christmas Day while I was cooking the lunch, I was suddenly overwhelmed by the fact that Smokey wasn't screaming to be fed and getting under my feet, again I ended up in tears. This past week every night when I have gone to bed she has been on my mind, maybe she has been visiting me. And then today I was transferring some stuff from my old lappy onto my new one and found the video of her eating (the one on the post below) and ended up in floods of tears, feeling so guilty again. I don't think this feeling will ever leave me as long as I live.

Well, let me catch you up with all the other things that have gone on this past 10 months that I haven't been able to write about as coming back here is still very painful for me.

My family and friends have been amazing to me where Smokey is concerned, all of them understanding how I feel, but one person in particular has been a massive help to me. And that person is someone I have never met face to face. Her name is Clare Earl and we "met" through being on the Polka Doodles DT together. Clare is ill like me, and also childless like me, so her fur babies are her life too. I can't put into words how much I appreciate her care and kind words just when I needed them most, she has been my rock and is truly an angel in our midst, I love you Early bird!

We all know there are lots of facebook pages where animals are looking for new homes, and I see them everyday and wish I could give them all a home. Some affect me more than others, the ones who have been ill treat and abandoned for no apparent reason. I have shed quite a lot of tears over these knowing there is nothing I can do for them. Then in August, the 12th to be exact, our local vet posted a photo of 2 cats that had been abandoned in a cardboard box outside the vets surgery. My heart leapt into my throat and I knew I was looking at my new fur baby. I knew I said I would never get another because of the heartbreak when they pass, but I instantly knew this one was special. This was the photo they posted and as beautiful as they both are it was obviously the blue one that stole my heart.

I left a message with the vet that I would speak to my hubby about her and let them know. So as soon as Dave came in from work I told him about her and he said "No, we're not having another one, I can't stand to see you go through what you did with Smokey 3 more times, having to do it another twice is going to be hard enough". Well I just broke down and said I needed to give her a home. Eventually he kind of accepted it although he wasn't that happy. I rang the vet and said that I wanted her. I arranged to go meet her to see if we bonded. I told Dave when I was leaving and he asked if I wanted him to come with me, I said it was up to him he didn't have to. He said he was coming! So off we set and went and met her. The nurse showed us in and opened the cage where they both were. The little black one was hid under a blanket and wouldn't come out, but the blue on was straight out and investigating everywhere and everyone in the room. Dave scooped her up and tried to give her a cuddle, she was a little restless bless her, obviously scared. Then it was my turn to hold her and straight away she took a piece of my heart! She looked so like Smokey when she was little, the same colour, the same shape of her face, everything. We spoke to the nurse about her, she told us they think she was about 8 months old, so born sometime in January. It looked like she's just recently had kittens herself as her mammary glands were still swollen but not producing milk anymore. Poor little lamb was only a baby herself. I was also concerned about the black one as well but Dave put his foot down and said definitely not! The nurse said they were sure to find her a home also. We discussed the other cats getting on with her, and the nurse said if there was a problem we could bring her back and they would find another home for her. She said they would neuter her free of charge and give her a health check and then asked us if we wanted to take her home there and then or did we want to wait until after she had been neutered. Dave said we would take her straight away! So that's what we did, we borrowed a carrier from the and took her to what we both hoped would be her forever home! On the way home in the car Dave asked what I was going to call her, I suggested Ash because of her colour of course, and Dave said "No, I think we should call her Bonnie as she is very bonny" So that was decided, we now had 3 B's Blue, Belle & Bonnie. I said that I hoped she would help Belle with her grief as well as me. Poor Belle has suffered just as much as me over losing her bestie, she still cries for her, looking for her and was still not eating right. I hoped this little one would be mothered by Belle just like Smokey was.

We got her home and Blue and Belle were laid on the sofa, so with Bonnie in my arms I slowly introduced them and Blue had a little sniff and then hissed, poor little Bonnie was taken aback so I took her away from Blue and let her look at Belle, but Blue had made her wary so she didn't want to get too close. She had a sniff around at everything and then jumped up on the windowsill to sit in the sun.

Here she is enjoying the sun.

Now look at this one, Smokey in the exact same spot on the 13th March, 6 days before she passed. It was one of her favourite spots when the sun was shining. I have more photos of her in the same spot from before I went digital. I must dig them all out and get them scanned.

I'm going to have to leave this for today and come back tomorrow. Yep, I'm crying again.

More about Smokey

So Smokey started taking her higher dose of Vidalta on the 15th March.
She was ok for a day or so, on the 16th she was wandering around as normal, although still wobbly, but much better than she was. She sat in front of the fire, and came up on my lap for a cuddle. She had quite a bit to eat over the day and was drinking well.

Then on the 17th she had another funny turn. It was Sunday again so I put her back in the bedroom and nursed her as well as I could. Making sure she was eating and drinking, I blitzed her chicken into a paste to make it easier for her to eat.
On the 18th I was sat in the lounge watching a bit of TV and heard Smokey crying so loudly in the bedroom, I went in and she was wobbling all over looking so confused, when she saw me she wobbled her way over to the door and made her way through the lounge into the dining room, and to the litter box and tried to get in, she couldn't so I lifted her in, she looked up at me with such relief while she had a pee, bless her, she obviously tried to get in the one in the bedroom but couldn't. She then had a few tiny bits of chicken and a right old drink of water. She then went and laid on her cushion in front of the TV purring to herself. I did a lot of research on the web about Vidalta and found that that lots of cats have had similar episodes after taking these tablets, so decided that Smokey wasn't having anymore of them. After spending over a week crying because my baby was ill, I was now also crying with anger that nothing was said to me about possible side effects.

On the 19th Smokey was very quiet, she was laid in the lounge under the radiator, she got up a few times and had a tiny amount to drink but wouldn't take any food whatsoever. I was leaving her in peace as much as possible. I was constantly checking on her and leaving her alone if she was sleeping, but if she was awake I was sneaking in lots of kisses and telling her how much I loved her. She was purring in response. At around 4:30pm when I checked on her she tried to get up for a drink and her front legs gave way under her, she looked and me with such sad eyes and cried like a baby. I immediately rang the vet and asked for an appointment. I was asked to go in at 5:30.

I got Smokey into her box and she cried like a baby all the way to the vets. She never normally cried like that, she was such a good girl so I knew all was not well. I got to the vets a bit early as there wasn't much traffic. I sat in the waiting room with her on my lap stroking her and telling her how much I loved her, she wasn't purring which was so unusual for Smokey, she was always happy and even more so when she was being stroked.

We were then called into the room and when the vet saw her she was very concerned, she weighed her and the little bit of weight she put on last week was gone as was some more, she only weigh 1.9kgs. The vet said it was because she was dehydrated and the weight she had lost was water. She said they could admit her to hospital and put her on a drip but the likelihood of her pulling through wasn't good. She said she was more than likely going to die. She asked if that was what I wanted, and of course I said I didn't want my baby to die in a strange place on her own. We talked a while and again I voiced my opinion about the Vidalta doing this to her, the vet said it was possible that my beautiful baby had a bad reaction to them, but in all fairness she was a very old lady. After a while the vet asked again what I wanted to do, I threw the question back at her asking what she would do, and she said that Smokey had had a very good life and it was a shame for her to end it suffering or alone.

I held tightly onto Smokey telling her how much I loved her and showered her with kisses, while I tried to make my mind up what to do. Eventually I came to the awful decision it was time to say goodbye. OMG, this is so hard to write, I'm in floods of tears. I told the vet my decision and she asked if I wanted to stay with her, well of course I did. So I held my beautiful baby in my arms, and while the vet shaved a bit of fur off of her leg I was telling her how much I loved her and that it was time to say goodbye, I told her I had tried so hard to make her better but I was so sorry we couldn't do anymore. Then vet then administered to injection while I was telling Smokey to have sweet dreams and kissing her little head. I'm going to have to come back to this later, it's still far too much for me to cope with, and I can barely see through the tears.

I've tried so many times to come back to this, I can't believe how hard it is for me to write.

Smokey passed away in my arms and my heart broke. I held in in my arms telling her how sorry I was that I couldn't make her better.

(I can't believe how hard this is for me to write, I have come back to it so many times over the months since Smokey went to Rainbow Bridge, and every time I have tried I have ended up in buckets of tears. I know the illnesses I have, M.E, Fibromyalgia, spondylosis etc have a lot to do with me not coping too well with grief as all my conditions become worse with stress and upset. But not I know I have to finish this and get it out there as if it helps one person then my pain won't be in vain.)

So lets try. I had my beautiful girl in my arms as she slipped away with me telling her how much I loved her and how sorry I was I couldn't make her better. I have done this before with a cat I had since childhood, but nothing can prepare you for this. The vet had a stethoscope against Smokey's heart and told me it had stopped beating, by then I was in so much distress I thought I was going to pass out. The vet told me to sit down which I did but couldn't let go of my baby. I was cuddling her and still telling her how sorry I was when she seemed to take a breath, I said to the vet she is breathing but the vet explained to me this is just her body expelling any air left in her, she also said she may urinate or poo so asked me to put her on the table. I did this but still couldn't stop stroking her. The vet was so good and told me I could stay as long as I needed to. The vet asked me what I wanted to do with Smokey and I told her I wanted her to have a personal cremation and that I wanted her ashes at home with me, so we looked at the brochures and chose an urn for her. I then said my last goodbye to my old girl and the vet told me not to bother going to reception, just to leave and I could pay the bill when I was upto it.

I really don't know how I drove home, I don't remember the journey, all I remember is the floods of tears and going into the house with an empty cat carrier. I was greeted by Blue and Belle who were very confused to see the empty carrier. Both of them were crying and looking for Smokey. When I sat down Blue came to me with those sad eyes of hers and tried to comfort me like she does when I'm ill, and I could hear Belle pushing the carrier around and crying for Smokey. I don't know how long I sat for before I could gather the strength to call my mum to tell her, she was so upset that I was as upset as I was and asked if I wanted her to come round until Dave got home from work, I told her I would be ok. I just sat in a daze crying for hours, not able to eat or drink or concentrate on anything. Dave got home from work and was very quiet when he came through the door, he came into the lounge and knew as soon as he looked at me. I had to tell him what I had done and he was so upset, he said he had wished he had been able to say goodbye to Smokey. I felt so guilty and said I would ring the vets and ask them not to send Smokey away until he had been to say goodbye but he said he couldn't see her dead, he wanted to say goodbye before she passed. That made me feel even more guilty than I already did. The rest of the evening went by in a blur of tears, and I cried myself to sleep that night.
The day after Dave tried to get hold of his boss to take the day off but couldn't so had to go in, luckily when he got there and told his boss, he sent him straight home to be with me. When I went to feed the cats that morning I did the usual 3 bowls of food then realised I would only need two :'(
I kept thinking I'd done the wrong thing and couldn't get out of my head how after she had gone she had moved her leg, took a breath and opened her mouth. The vet had said it was normal but it had hurt so much, as I thought it was like she was fighting to stay with me. Blue was really sad too, she kept going to the carrier and howling at it, then pushing it around looking for her mum. Then she was going to the spot under the radiator where Smokey laid and looked at me confused and with those sad eyes. Smokey's bestie Belle was ever so quiet, she must have been devastated.

Smokey cuddled up with her bestie Belle

There were lots of cuddles going around that day between me, Dave, Blue and Belle. Dave was saying how sad it was that Smokey wouldn't be around when the extension was finished as she would have loved to have run around that big room, and lay in front of the windows with the sun coming in.
The next few weeks were much a repeat of the day after Smokey left us, I cried nearly all day every day, and poor Belle was really suffering. Belle doesn't meow much, she just make a sweet little noise, but she kept going to Smokey's favourite spot and meowing so loud then coming and looking for me.
I think about a month went by before I stopped crying every day and night, then it was just occasionally when I thought about her, or someone asked about her.
Now months down the track I still miss her so much and still cry for her, she was so adorable and loving to me, it is like I've lost a part of me, and I don't think I will ever get over her loss. I made her a beautiful box for her ashes and it sits on the mantle piece so she is with us all of the time. There is also a little bit of her fur in there.

I still have her food bowls, and her cushions in my bedroom and can't bear to part with them. A few weeks ago I got out the cushions to give back to Belle to lay on, and because Smokey's fur is still on them I ended up in floods of tears and put them back away. Even now months down the track I still believe that Vidalta was the reason for Smokey's downfall and strokes, and ultimately her death. So please, please think carefully before allowing your cat to be put on this medication.

My beautiful, loving fur baby Smokey

So a few weeks back my old fur baby Smokey was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism and was put on tablets to bring her levels down. She was perfectly healthy, albeit a skinny minny, and was a very happy baby before the tablets.

After taking the tablets for a few weeks she was given another blood test which showed her levels had gone up not down so the vet suggested we up the dose of her tablets. On the 10th March 2013 (before I picked up her new tablets) I was giving Smokey her tablet and giving her a cuddle and a fuss when she went all limp and her back end collapsed and she lost control of her bladder. I screamed up at Dave to come and help me as I was in a right state. We got her laid down on her pillow under the radiator where she loved to be, and left her in peace for a while. She seemed to come round a little bit later on and wobbled her way into the room. When we went to bed I took her in with me and laid her on her pillow at the side of me. She got up a few times during the night for a drink and to use her tray, so seemed a bit steadier on her feet. The day after I was so worried about her as she wasn't eating so I called in to see the vet to ask advice. The vet said to bring her in as she was worried with her not eating. So I went home and called my mum to come with me as Dave was at work and I was too upset to be on my own.
The vet gave Smokey a good going over but wasn't too sure what had happened to her, she said it could be a stroke but could be something else. She asked if I wanted to leave Smokey in the hospital to be treated or did I want to do it at home, well of course I didn't want my baby on her own and scared so I opted to take her home. The vet gave her a steroid injection and gave me some antibiotic tablets to  give her, and off home we went. Smokey picked up really well and came and laid in the lounge in front of the fire and her little mate Belle laid with her and gave her a wash and cuddled up with her.



Smokey got a little better as the day went on, and was eating and drinking, she was still very quiet compared to her usual self, but better than the previous 2 days.

The day after on the 12th March I took Smokey back to the vets and they seemed happy with her progress so didn't want to see her for another 2 days. That night I took her into the bedroom with me again to keep an eye on her. She did really well that night and managed to eat plenty of chicken and drank lots as well.



The day after (13th) she was doing great and even managed to jump up on the coffee table and beg for food, nearly back to her normal self! She then managed to jump up on the sofa and onto the window sill to sit in the sun.

She was still a bit wobbly but loads better than she had been. I left her to sleep in her usual place with her mate Belle that night.

On the 14th I took her back to the vet for another check up and again they were quite pleased with her, and said for her age she wasn't doing bad, and considering all her other problems and lumps and bumps. Though strangely enough her lumps and bumps were improving! So the vet said to start her on her higher dose of thyroid tablets and didn't want to see her for another 2 weeks or so. I can't tell you how pleased I was, I'd had a week of being in tears every time I looked at her little frail body. I know all my fur babies are spoiled rotten, but let me tell you that weekend Smokey was thoroughly spoiled! She was getting fed tuna and the best chicken, and loving every minute of it.

 

So on the 15th Smokey started taking her higher dose of Vidalta

Got to get this out of me!

Gosh I can't believe how long ago I wrote that last post, thankfully no-one reads this!

I thought after all the trauma of the past few years this one was going to be a good one, but this past week it doesn't seem so.

Over the last 12-18 months it has been bad news after bad news in my family. First my Aunt, who is more like my sister, was diagnosed with esophageal cancer, she had chemo and then a major operation to remove her oesophagus, they stretched her stomach up to  make her a new one. During the beginning of her chemo there was a lack of beds in the hospital, and during a conversation with the Surgeon and a nurse another nurse overheard and came in the room. She said "I'm sorry but I overheard this conversation and recognised a voice" Looking at our Sandra she said "and it's your voice I know Sandra" Our Sandra was gobsmacked as it was my best friend from school Liz. Liz had worked her way up the nursing profession and ended up a nurse on the cancer unit. Anyhoo she got our Sandra a bed sorted in another department for her chemo. Thankfully Sandra got over the op quite quick and did so well. She continues to do well 17 months later.

Then in February of last year my darling Grandad was admitted to hospital with a cut on his ear from a fall, he was ever so confused bless him with his Alzheimer's. While he was in hospital he developed some kind of infection, so he was totally helpless and as a family we were always there looking after him. Sadly on the 18th Feb 2012 he lost his battle and left us. It was of course devastating to all of us but in a way, a relief as Alzheimer's is horrendous.

During all of this we were having to look after my Great Uncle as well, who had been moved out of his house and into a flat. Well, to say he was a messy sod is an understatement, he was downright dirty and a hoarder. I went a few times a week when I could, illnesses allowing, but Dave was there loads and loads for him He took him out for lunch once a week and called in on him often. Then he's bring me his washing home! My niece Poppy also went a few times a week to clean for him, when he allowed her to.

Then in September of 2012 my best friend from school, Liz, was diagnosed with lung cancer. That hit me like a brick, even more so as she had done so much to help our Sandra. Liz was given 12-18 months with maybe an extra 6-12 months with chemo. Of course she started the chemo and I'm sure was given the best care anyone could get. Unfortunately during her chemo I couldn't go see her as I had a nasty chest infection. The chemo made her so ill but she continued with it because of her family. Then the cancer got real nasty and travelled into her spine. A piece of her spine was removed and a metal plate put in to stop the cancer going any further. While all this was going on my Great Uncle passed away in November.
Then the cancer in Liz went around her spine a different way and soon overtook her. Sadly 10 weeks after diagnosis on the 27th November, my beautiful Liz lost her battle with cancer.

I can't write anymore today, it's all a bit much.

New year, new blog

I thought I'd start the new year off with a new blog where I can write down my journey with M.E and other maladies as it it says in the blog title.

A little about me first.
The illnesses I have are, M.E, Fibromyalgia, Cervical spondylosis, Grade 4 Chondromalacia and Asthma.

My first real memory of pain is from being a young child and having awful pains in my shins, I remember my mum telling me they were growing pains! Well if so, I'm still growing at 42! I learnt as I got older that those pains were there when it was cold or wet, which living in the north of England is quite a lot!

The next pain I remember is having a really painful and stiff neck. My mum took me to the doctors as she thought she could feel a lump. I was referred to a specialist who had a good look at my spine and, from what little I can remember, he said that one of my vertebrae was more pronounced than others and that I should take care of my neck and take pain killers when it was bad. Well, that pain never really went away I just learnt to live with it as you do. Until in 1993 I started with a pain in my shoulder that got so severe I once again went to the doctors and was given pain relief and sent away after being told it was a pulled muscle in my shoulder.



I suffered for a few more months and had to return to the doctor as the pain was so bad it was making my life a misery. Going to work (on a high speed production line) was becoming unbearable. The pain was constant to the extent that it regularly had me in tears. I was also suffering very bad headaches that would start in the base of my skull and work their way up to the top of my forehead. There was also the pins and needles sensation in my arm and hand and sometimes my arm would go numb or just stop working so I was dropping things.



This time the doctor said there was very clearly something wrong and was very angry the other doctor hadn't picked it up. So, I was once again referred to a specialist who this time diagnosed me with Cervical spondylosis. He didn't tell me much about it as he seemed to think I was told about this when I was younger. Which I obviously wasn't! Anyway, once again I was told to take pills for the pain, and to take some time off of work to give my neck a rest.



A few months later I was involved in a minor accident at work (I really can't remember what happened, as hard as I try) and I ended up in the casualty dept. at Jimmy's in agonising pain in my shoulder, it was like someone was sticking a red hot poker in my shoulder and violently jerking it around. The pain was really excruciating, it was so bad I was in tears. The doctor in casualty asked me about the history of my problem and I told him what little I knew and that I was told to take pain killers when it was bad. He asked me which specialist I was under and when I told him he kind of shook his head and said he would be back in a moment. I was in the last cubicle so saw him go to phone and heard him ask for my specialist, of course I don't know exactly what was said, but the casualty doctor was very very angry and shouting at my specialist. When he came back he sat with me for a while and explained exactly what Cervical spondylosis was and that I should have been given a neck collar to wear. He also arranged for me to have a course of physio therapy to try to relieve some of the pain. I went for the physio for quite a while where they would put me under a heat lamp and attach two machines to me, one of which was a TENS machine, the other I can't remember. It did seem to help a bit but as soon as the course was finished it was as bad as ever. My doctor arranged for me to buy a TENS machine to help with the pain. TENS machines weren't easily available back then like they are now, so it took a while to get hold of one and cost me about £150. And now you can get them for as little as £15-20!
Over the years I have had lots of courses of physio, which do help a little bit at the time, but as soon as the course is over I'm back to being in constant pain.

I think the next thing to go wrong with me was my knee. From what I remember (M.E. brain) I had been in meeting so had been sat down for a while and when I stood up my right knee gave way sending me into a heap on the floor! The pain was excruciating and it took a while for me to get back up! This happened quite a few times over the following weeks and I was getting a lot of pain in my knee. So, off to the doctors again. The doctor said straight away that it was a problem with my cartilidge and arranged for me to see a specialist. This appointment came through pretty quick and before I knew it I was booked in for an operation called an Arthoroscopy. I had the operation and thought that would be the end of my knee trouble. How wrong was I. When the surgeon came to see me he told me that I had no cartilidge left in my knee and the pain I was getting was caused by my Patella rubbing on my Tibia. He suggested that I have a metal brace attached to my leg to hold the bones apart as I was too young for a knee replacement. I turned this down very quickly saying I would cope with the pain. The surgeon said he would give me 5 years before I would be in a wheelchair and in need of a knee replacement. I was told I should walk with sticks to take some of the pressure off of my Tibia. I think this was around 1995/6 and I'm still hobbling around on my own knee!

Next on my list came along the Fibromyalgia. I had been to my GP several times suffering with pain in my muscles and had really tender points on my body that I couldn't stand to be touched. After doing a few tests and poking and prodding me he diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia and prescribed some strong painkillers for me to take.

Next to come along was my M.E. I had been on holiday to South Africa and came back exhausted. I couldn't explain the tiredness and lethargy I was feeling so off I toddled to my GP again! My GP was also a little confuddled and sent me for some blood tests, he had a feeling I could have picked up some tropical illness while abroad as it had been six weeks since coming home and I should have been over a"normal" infection. The blood tests showed nothing like that, but they did show I had had Glandular Fever at some point. Thinking back I had had what I thought was Flu the previous Christmas and had worked through it thinking I could rest over the holidays. And thinking back, I had never really "bounced back". So I was put on a waiting list to be referred to a M.E specialist. The appointment was going to be 2 years away as there are very few specialists in our area. So, having private health care through work I decided to use it and saw a specialist pretty quickly. He did some tests and asked lots of questions and agreed with my GP that I did have M.E. That was in 2000
I wasn't given much information on the illness so just plodded on through life like you do. I carried on as normal as possible, but not being able to do much on "bad days" so catching up on "good days". After a while of suffering like this I decided to do some research on M.E and found out lots of things I hadn't been told, and of course I was doing all the wrong things so found myself in a continuous "boom and bust cycle".
In 2005 I had a very very bad relapse and was very ill for a long time. I had to take 10 months off of work because of it. Whilst I was off of work I found a local M.E group and got my GP to refer me which he did and I attended a 12 week course. The course was quite good as it told me lots about M.E which I didn't know. And I could share with the group the things I had learnt about M.E. A few of us have remained friends and share our M.E experiences through email.
I eventually went back to work on staggered return, doing a few hours a few days a week to start with.
I need to add at this point that throughout all my illnessess over the years the company I worked for, and the bosses I had were extremely understanding and helpfull, doing all they could to help me to continue to work. Until, that was I got a new boss just before my M.E relapse! When I returned to work she made my life hell! She refused to let me have my own job back, putting me on another, more arduous job. I fought it like mad and eventually managed to get my own job back but she continued to make my life a misery, treating me like scum and making me do lots of heavy work I had previously been exempt from. I had to get the union involved in the end as the bullying was taking it's toll on me. My self worth was at an all time low, and I was constantly in tears. She did her best to make it out that I was making things up, when in fact it was her that was doing it. She tried to take me through the disciplinary process accusing me of bullying and threatening behaviour! Well, to cut a very very long story short she was found out to be the one in the wrong. The union wanted me to take her to a tribunal but the whole process had made me very ill again and I couldn't go through with it. I was offered a job in another department (a job with a better pay grade and better prospects) by a person who had helped me through some of the turmoil, but wasn't in any state to learn a new job so had to turn it down. The union fought for me and managed to get me a decent payout on the grounds of disability discrimination and vicitmisation. So I left the job after working for the company for 24 years!

I'd say it took me maybe 1 and a half to 2 years to get over what happened to me at work, but I eventually did. And as for the nasty boss, she got her comeupance as she tried a similar thing with someone else and was asked to leave the company!!!!

Whilst I was off of work with the M.E relapse I discovered card making and that has been a godsend to me. It has kept me sane and my mind active over these last few years. I now have my very own craft room (thanks to my wonderful hubby) that I spend most of my time in. I'm very lucky to have a wonderful supportive husband who looks after me. We are also lucky enough to own our very own aparment in Egypt that we go to as often as possible. The heat helps me so much, and when we are there some of my illnesses fade into the background. One day maybe we can move to somewhere warm.

My crafting has also helped me to make some wonderful friends from a forum who I hope will be life long friends. I've been lucky enough to meet some of them in person and they are fabulous. As are the ones I haven't met of course. They have all been there for me through some very dark moments and are truly amazing people, and the best friends you could ever wish to have.

Well, I think that's quite enough rambling for now. It has taken me over a week to write all of this!
I'll be back as often as possible with diary like entries to let you know how I am and if I find out any interesting or useful information on M.E or any of my other maladies.
Thanks for reading

Lots of love
Anj
xx